The Devil is in the Pronouns!

I found this written in some book, which I don't remember the name of. But it's true: there's the damned 'we', which say a lot any relationship between minimum two people; there's the Indian 'only one', which came as a constant question to me - yes, me, so... only one. And there's the Indian 'we', which is somehow always implied, as you can scarcely find a lone Indian anywhere.

So let me paraphrase this wonderful sentence by saying 'the devil is in the numbers', which should be contained in the Indian anthem!

For the past two days I've been in mourning. I have just moved, escaped the great Indian nation. I am now in Kuala Lumpur, from where I can emit some (but surely not all, as there will soon be more, at least in my mind) discoveries about the good people of the Republic of India.

The Indian people is a curious, odd race. The greatest contradictions in the world are easily distinguishable in just one individual: they are friendly, as I often tell them when they ask. But they are also vultures, having an extra sense to smell weak and credulous nature. Sure, all will start out being helpful and kind, but some will not just go away without a well-expressed nudge to buy or give them something.

Their narrow mindedness in some respects is quite ridiculous: not a single atom in their body is aware of environmental - or, for that matter, sanitary - issues, so whatever they don't use, they throw out over their shoulders without as much as a second thought. Sometimes, it looks like they could be buried under the greatest heap of rubbish in all India and they wouldn't even notice it (they are extremely resistant in the odor area as well). You might think that their emissions, ordinarily in the form of spitting and peeing, is a lot greater than their intake, if you were to judge by the men's lean, skinny frames, but the women practice the same routine, often - like men - drawing spit from remote channels of their throats and producing large quantities of multicolored liquids in the notes of a small-sized orchestra. It doesn't seem to be impolite.

Indians usually wash, but this might be hard to tell or plain ineffective, as they do have a tendency to smell and the waters they use are not always the clear, mountain fresh waters you would think of. But they do brush their teeth every morning. In fact, the whole nation seems to have a special time of the day and a well-established modus operandi when it comes to brushing teeth. And they wash their hands before and (a lot more thorough) after, when they also return to the spitting scheme, because the mouth also has to be rinsed. The only problem I see is that washing might be more effective with soap...

Actually, the word which is beloved nationwide is, actually, 'actually'! Everybody uses it, mostly as an initiation of communication or simply as an interjection. Actually, the Indian English is something I couldn't get tired of, partly because of the pompous speech, but mostly because of the moist, sweet accent, which I couldn't identify in Hindi.

Women are shy and men are explosive, provided they can speak a little English. But, as soon as the language becomes a problem, men are shy, even bashful and women will try to communicate, whatever the costs.

So there you have it: Indians at their best and worst, enough of them to fill all my days, without ever having to see me twice. You either love it or you hate it, there simply is no middle way.